Posts filed under ‘Uncategorized’
Envious
I’m at my local IHOP and I am sitting next to a young family of four. The Dad, the Mom, the 4-year old, and the baby in the high chair. I know I shouldn’t be envious. I know things in life change. I know I have nothing to complain about (well, I have *some* things to complain about…. just not that much really). I know that it was my decision. But I miss that.
Could I have a husband again? Could I have two children? A house with a backyard? I never thought I would want that.
But I do.
Add comment May 2, 2009
tormentas
Completely torn between my head and my heart, I search for stability while still hanging on to the most tumultuous things in my life. I will never heal as long as he’s around…
Add comment May 2, 2009
Intimidated
I can stand up to gruff car salesmen, prick bosses, miserable customers, and a scorned Director of Finance.
But I am intimidated by a nine-year-old and his “adopted mother”. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries.
Add comment April 23, 2009
How I fell for a mechanic
He was tall and strong and had a demeanor about him that was unmistakably masculine. Yet he was a single father. He wasn’t hard and cold.
He brought his lunch everyday- and it was always something home cooked; nothing frozen.
He ironed his own clothes.
He brought me pain killers from the First Aid kit, even though he didn’t have to.
He remembered I love being near the water, and took me to all the places I feel are home.
He bought a little car for my son.
He fixed my taillight. I didn’t ask him to.
He made me lunch… and then packed it for me.
He brings me coffee every day.
His eyes- Oh my God, his eyes. I think I can drown in them.
And (I think) I can read them.
He stayed with me and helped me when my son got hurt.
He let my dog sleep between his legs.
He got me writing again.
He dug a hole in the sand to teach the little one something …
And that’s how I fell for Tony the Mechanic.
I only hope that he will fall for me too. I would not let him hurt again.
Add comment April 20, 2009
When it’s over…
Well, it’s about time. It’s like living a slow death.
*Written when we filed for divorce – 2008*
Add comment April 20, 2009
Growing up in South Florida I
At night, the water in my parents’ pool would create the most beautiful, soothing reflections up on the white beams of their screened porch. I loved looking at the underwater lights, listening to the soft hum of the a/c unit on the side of the house, wrapped in the comforting mugginess of a South Florida evening.
On Sundays, we would get together at my parents’ house and have a late lunch around their kitchen table, overlooking that sparkling blue pool and the lake behind it. There would always be a Mamma Duck and her kiddies gliding over the water. It was a big lake, although man-made, and off to the left there was a fountain that was always on, and at night it would be illuminated with soft lights. We would sit, eat roast chicken and rice, talk, and joke around all afternoon. My family had a great sense of humor. It was a lot of fun.
My sister and I still talked. We all had the same lifestyle. I saw my parents every day. My husband and I still had the same goals, and every intention of growing old together
I have been consciously trying to get away from my tendency to live in the past, and realize that things change, and embrace these changes. But it’s so easy to long for a time when things were different.
Add comment July 16, 2008
All-nighters and binge-drinking
I did both last night. I had to work on a freelance design project that was a MONSTER. Yes, I was working & drinking. This piece was a 2 feet x 2 feet 2-sided pseudo-newsletter, to be created from scratch and typeset in addition to being laid out. It took me all night.
If i keep this up I’m going to start looking like shit real soon. It’s not like I’m not getting any younger!!
Add comment July 16, 2008
Dusty blogspace
My friend 33351 commented today that I have not posted in my blog recently.
He is correct.
My mind has been inundated with so many thoughts lately, that it is really hard to organize them in my head, let alone verbalize them (er, or write them down) in a way that is coherent and intelligible.
The mid-life crisis is coming to a head. When you hit rock bottom, all you have left to do is 1. kill yourself or 2. go up. I’m too chicken-shit to kill myself. Plus I think my son’s father would be mad at me….
However I am beginning to understand what people say when they refuse to just “settle”. What a concept.
Add comment July 10, 2008
Ok, Ok, I admit it….
Being quite contradictory and oppositional, I often find myself going against hip trends. I have shunned Starbucks since its inception, mostly due to the fact that living so close to Miami, it was fairly easy to find good espresso (or cubano) for $0.50, $.075 tops. So, paying $2 for the same thing was simply outrageous.
I now live in an little town outside Atlanta. The best coffee I’m going to get, period, is Starbucks. I have tried the cheaper coffee, and it is, truthfully, downright foul. What do you think happens when you take already weak coffee, water it waaaay down, and let it bake on a burner for hours on end?
So…… I admit it….. Starbucks coffee is pretty damn good. I have become a regular patron. There, I said it.
2 comments July 10, 2008
Black Sheep
In a family ripe with Christians of the utmost morality, I, the eldest daughter, am most decidedly the Black Sheep of the family. I never thought it would be me to wear the label. Well….. did I? I always knew I was instinctively non-conforming.
I tried my best, I really did. I am just not made out to walk such a straight path. I am a sexual deviant. I am too open-minded. I don’t have anything against homosexuals; as a matter of fact, I *like* them. Sometimes I’m attracted to women. I like to wear miniskirts. I have a friend who is a cross-dresser. I am not ashamed of my sexuality. I like to drink and sometimes smoke. But I don’t like to judge people. I am a terrible liar. I am sincere. I don’t have hidden agendas and I don’t know how to be selfish.
Still. That is not good enough to enter the Kingdom of God. Oh well. I accept that. Maybe it’s time I went ahead and got that tattoo, and seal the deal. I’m going to hell in a handbasket!
1 comment June 24, 2008
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