It started right after I turned 30.

It has nothing to do with my age, mind you. It’s not like I woke up being 30 and said “Oh my God! I’m 30! I’m old! Where did time go??” as if the number itself or the fact I’m getting older scared me.

No.

It was more like, a sudden realization, that I am really not at all happy with my current state of affairs, and that these unsatisfactory state of affairs is the result of many years of bad decisions caused by my dependency on others (and perhaps marrying too young).

What’s worse is the knowledge that as of the moment, there is not much I can do to change things. I am trying….. and waiting…. hoping someday my efforts will yield good results.