They say the truth shall set you free.

Can one unlearn things? Forget and erase something that happened, something that was witness or learned? Can one change one’s views of the facts?

I pride myself in having an open and inquisitive mind. I want to know who is out there, what they do, and why. Why do certain things happen? What do other people believe? What is going on on the other side of the world?

The problem with reading and having an open mind is that you learn a lot. And you think a lot. And with that thinking comes a lot of worry, anger, and depression.

When you see the atrocities that are going on in other places outside of your bubble, you grow depressed. When you see the unfairness in society in your own country, you get angry. When you realize that we’re all headed for potential disaster, you worry.

(That’s why I think that those who are depressed and crazy are the deepest people among us.)

This is true even for one’s religion. People born into Jehovah’s Witness families have no clue of what’s going on around them. They live in a bubble because they are not allowed to become involved in politics, other religions, other religion’s causes, associate with people outside of their Witness community, marry outside their faith, have non-witnessing friends, read books on evolution or other religions, or read anything that could remotely contradict the things they have been taught. They only associate with other Witnesses and that’s all they know. They are aware that the world is in shambles, but they believe this is all part of God’s divine plan and he will fix it in due time. There is no need to worry or do anything about it.

There is bliss in that sort of ignorance.

When someone puts something in front of you that forces you to see the Watchtower for the brainwashing cult that it is, you are forced to open your eyes. And see. And learn. And understand how the world works. And you worry, and you get angry, and you get even more depressed.

I’ve always been contradictory- doing the opposite of what was expected of me. Except this has made my life harder. I am tired.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t been shown the truth about the “Truth” (this is what Witnesses call their religion). I was no longer a witness at the time, but I had every intention of going back because it was all I knew. Since the blindfold came off, my mind expanded like an atomic bomb. But it also felt like a bomb, too. I have felt so much heartbreak over the last 9 years. Now, my life has been full of blessings, too. I do not want to minimize that fact. I have very little to complain about. The issues are all in my head. The worry/ anger/ depression. The rejection. The loneliness. And the problem is that, because now I know the REAL truth, I can’t ever go back to the fake Truth. Believe it or not… sometimes I wish I could, if only to try and repair broken familial bonds and pretend like soon God is going to fix everything that is wrong with the world.

Which loops me right back to the beginning… Can one unlearn things? Forget and erase something that happened, something that was witness or learned? Can one change one’s views of the facts? Sadly, people can’t unlearn or unsee what they know. The best we can try and do is change our perspective of a situation. Unfortunately, there is still a voice in the back of your head that tells you when something is just not right. It takes a lot of conditioning to turn off that voice. You have to learn not to think.

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Author: Soulrebel

You say "feminist" like it's a bad thing.

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